


Roll the Dice!

by paperficwriter



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon), ワンパンマン | One-Punch Man
Genre: Gen, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 14:31:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5931814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperficwriter/pseuds/paperficwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steven has been dying to get everyone into the roleplaying game he bought, and they finally sit down to create characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roll the Dice!

**Author's Note:**

> This was a LOT of fun to write!
> 
> So remember a while back when there was that headcanon floating around where Guardians of the Galaxy was a roleplaying game that Bucky was running for the Avengers?
> 
> I got to thinking…what if it was that way with two of our other favorite series?

To Steven, it felt like it had been a million years since he first tried to convince the Gems, Connie and his dad to play “Kaiju Killfest” with him. When he had asked before, there was always some excuse – sword lessons, car wash maintenance, burrito-eating contest…so he had had to take matters into his own hands.

By begging Garnet for help.

“Please, Garnet? Please? Just for one afternoon! I think it would be great for the team!”

Garnet was bubbling a gem fragment and adjusted her shades as she turned to regard the small boy clinging to her boot. “You’re asking me because you knew that you couldn’t trick me because of my future vision, aren’t you.” It wasn’t really a question.

Steven looked at her pleadingly.

She sighed. “I’ve said it before. I just can’t say ‘no’ to that face.”

That was how they all came to be sitting around the couch at the temple. Steven proudly set up his Beastmaster screen to hide his many, many, many pages of notes. Amethyst tried to peak over. Garnet picked her up by the head and set her next to Greg.

“Okay! The game is Kaiju Killfest! The object of the game is to win. You win by destroying monsters with your awesome super hero character. You get points by defeating monsters and doing good deeds, and you even get popularity ratings!”

“I thought this was supposed to be different from our daily lives,” Pearl pointed out.

“Well, it’s different from most humans’ daily lives,” Steven said, trying not to deflate a bit. He brightened up as he passed out the character sheets. “But you get to make a neat character with super powers and numbers and stats and stuff!” He waggled his eyebrows at Pearl.

“I do like statistical battle strategy,” the Gem acquiesced, beginning to calculate figures on the sheet.

Steven looked over Garnet’s shoulder as she began trying to make sense of the paper. “What’s your super power going to be? Are you going to be able to tell the future?”

“Absolutely not,” she said, succinctly. “I’m just going to be a regular human, who doesn’t want to work, and solves all problems with a single punch.”

“You just punch things?”

She nodded. “And I’m really chill about it.”

“Hmm. Okay. Um…Pearl, how about you?”

“Well, I –”

“I’m gonna be a ninja!” Amethyst crowed, jumping onto the couch. “And I’m super fast, and I’ve got a sword, and throwing stars, and –”

“Oh, what a big surprise,” Pearl said, rolling her eyes. “You’re going to be a chaotic force of destruction. That’s nothing like you at all!”

Amethyst glowered, looming over her. “Oh yeah? Well, what are you playing? Huh?”

“I’m going to be a human-robot hybrid who is unfalteringly loyal, who is trying to get stronger and seek vengeance for past, fallen comrades!” She smiled with great satisfaction at her dramatic backstory. “And Garnet and I are going to team up. We’ll be unstoppable.”

“Better watch out,” Garnet said, giving Amethyst a little smile. “Or I’ll punch you.”

“Whatever!”

“Guys, you’re not supposed to be ganging up against each other! Save it for the monsters!” He bounced over to Connie. “What kind of character are you going to play, Connie?”

“I think I’m going with a telekinetic,” she said. “And I’m going to take the flaw that she looks really young, so people don’t take her seriously, but she’s really strong!” She put her fingers on her temples and made humming noises, like she was moving things with her mind.

“Oh, wow, that’s a good one,” Greg said, turning his sheet upside down. “I feel a bit out of my element here, kiddo.”

“That’s okay, Dad! What kind of super hero do you like?”

“Well, I like those old Kung Fu shows with the old master who, like, teaches people and is sort of in the background. Would that be okay?”

“Yeah! That’s perfect!” A small greenish triangle suddenly caught Steven’s eye as it peered over the couch cushions. “Peridot! Do you want to play too?”

“No,” he heard a small voice reply, the spot of green disappearing.

“Come on! It’ll be fun!”

“I doubt that highly. This entire prospect sounds ridiculous. Why would the humans be fighting the monsters in their cities? Would they not try to track down the source of their power and crush them? Why don’t they ask more questions about what they want and where they are coming from? If you ask me, I think the ‘monsters’ aren’t the problem in this game.”

Steven poked his head around the corner. Peridot had actually amassed a notebook full of sketches, diagrams and even charts from the game book. “Maybe you could work out something like that.”

“Fine,” Peridot conceded with a slight sneer. “Then I’m going to play a human who believes that all other humans are inferior, and who works to make the human race into a greater, more superior evolution of itself, and –”

“And then you have a change of heart and open a restaurant!”

Peridot glared up at Steven, who had a giant smile on his face.

“Whatever.”

“Okay! Let’s get started!” Steven went back behind his screen, immediately jumping into the scene. “So, there’s this giant crab monster in underpants, and he has nipples drawn on with Sharpie…”


End file.
